die hardHere’s the story synopsis:

When a terrorist group kidnaps retired CIA field operative Leonard Turner (Bruce Willis), his son Harry Turner (Kellan Lutz), a government analyst who has been repeatedly turned down for field service, launches his own unsanctioned rescue operation. While evading highly skilled operatives, deadly assassins, and international terrorists, Harry finally puts his combat training to the test in a high stakes mission to find his father and to stop a terrorist plot.

The Premise is Good

I won’t lie, the family rescue premise is a good one.  Some great families have had excellent action movies.  For example, A Good Day to Die Hard ($304 million) and Spy Kids ($147 million).  Both solid performing box office hits.  Extraction didn’t even bring in 1 million.

No, that isn’t a typo.  

This movie didn’t even clear $1 million.  

Tell me how you can afford Bruce Willis, Kellan Lutz, and Gina Carano on that kind of budget?  And speaking of budget, it has not been disclosed.  You can search the world wide web but nobody will tell you how much this bomb cost.

They’re probably too ashamed.

I’d be ashamed too.

You know who else should be ashamed?  The Writers (Max Adams, Umair Aleem) and the Stunt Coordinator (Simon Rhee).

Reason #1 for Shaming: Rip Offs

The story opens with Bruce Willis being held hostage.  I, like everyone else who has come to expect a certain degree of badassery from Bruno, thought “Oh, great!  Kick ass in the first scene!  There’s a hook.”

Well, it would have been.

If it weren’t a ripoff straight out of John Wick.  Here’s the thing – John Wick was such a well-written movie that they didn’t even have to show him killing three men in a bar with a pencil for viewers to really grasp the level of badassery present.  Do yourself a favor and see John Wick instead of Extraction.

You can’t tell me the three years of age difference between Bruce Willis and Keanu Reeves is the faulty factor here.  Bruce still has the chops for action.  The problem is the writers wrote a hack scene and the stunt coordinator phoned it in.


Reason #2 for Shaming: Kellan Lutz is Too Pretty to Fight

Now let’s talk about Kellan Lutz.  He is an Expendable but the bulk of his action is on a motorcycle, with a helmet on, and a stunt man driving.  He’s window dressing.  Sure, he’s buff and he compares a bathroom fight scene in extraction to a similar scene in a Bourne movie (another ripoff) but I’m here to tell you – Jason Bourne he ain’t!  Again, I blame the stunt coordinator.  Fight scenes are a dance.  If you can learn to dance, you can fight for a camera.  Simon Rhee may be a great stunt man, but he sucks at choreography.

Reason #3 for Shaming: Gina Carano Isn’t Allowed to Fight

“But what about Gina Carano?” You may ask, and you’d be right to.

She’s not just window dressing, she’s a certified badass with MMA wins to prove it.  She can fight.  You know who else can fight?  Michelle Rodriguez.  They had a great fight in Fast & Furious 6.  Gina did not have a good fight in Extraction.  She had a couple opportunities, but the writers and director squandered them and made her a sissy.  Any movie that makes Gina Carano a sissy is WRONG.

This fight scene from Fast & Furious 6 is better than the whole movie of Extraction.


Reason #4 for Shaming: The CIA Hit Ordered on Harry as Soon as He Left

Sure, Harry goes off the reservation to save his dad and his ex girlfriend decides to go off the reservation to help him, but the CIA doesn’t waste millions of dollars training badasses just to put a bullet in their head as soon as they stray from their original orders.

And apparently Harry’s boss had no idea he was a badass.

I have to call “Bullshit” on these two points.

So there’s a whole lot of shame wrapped up in those 82 minutes of your life that you will neither enjoy or get back.  Not to mention the cost of the rental.  If you ask me, they should be paying people to watch this instead of getting paid.

[Tweet “If you put this DVD up to your ear, you can hear it sucking.”]

This Movie is a Mystery

I know.  It says it’s an action/thriller, but I found it a mystery.



Why would Bruce Willis, the patron saint of Christmas explosions, agree to be in a lousy movie written by a B-list horror movie writer with no street cred?  Sure, Carano and Lutz would sign on to an action/thriller with Bruce Willis.  Who wouldn’t?  But Bruce let them down.

I suspect that the young hotshot agent at William Morris was desperate to make this movie because the writer had gone all Kathy Bates and held his mother in a quiet little house on a sleepy, snow-covered road in Podunk, Maine, threatening to break her feet with a sledgehammer.  I suspect this young hotshot found a way to compromise Bruce Willis’ agent there at William Morris and they made Bruno get on board.  Sure, he might have balked at first, but maybe he had a gambling debt with a certain shylock who was growing very anxious for Bruce to pay up so he got the agency to pay his debt, spare his pinkie fingers from big knives, and all he had to do was spend six weeks on a movie.

Then they brought on Carano in hopes she’d get some Fast & Furious audience to crossover and Lutz for the Expendables crossover audience.

On paper, it all looks good –

[Tweet “Die Hard + Expendables + Fast & Furious = #WINNING, right? WRONG!”]

My recommendation: Put a 500-foot cordon around this movie and don’t ever touch it.