20 Great Things About Dating a Writer
1. Writers will romance you with words.
I like to drop little notes like “Thanks for shagging me rotten. That’ll be in a book, hero.”
2. Writers will write about you.
There are two sides to this coin. If you piss me off, I’ll take care of you in a story and it won’t be pretty. On the other hand – treat me right and I’ll make you immortal.
3. Writers will take you to interesting events.
My favorites are Oktoberfest in Munich, tequila tasting tours in Mexico and Big Apple weekends in Herefordshire, England. (Notice a trend?)
4. Writers will remind you that money doesn’t matter so much.
We don’t want you to think less of us because we don’t have any.
5. Writers will acknowledge you and dedicate things to you.
Again, this isn’t always good. See #2.
6. Writers will offer you an interesting perspective on things.
I drive my husband crazy with this one. He’s become king of the non-hearing affirmative “uh-huh”.
7. Writers are smart.
Yes, but just once I’d like to trade that for a really great ass and see how the other half live.
8. Writers are really passionate.
I think this list item was supposed to be spelled “nymphomaniac”.
9. Writers can think through their feelings.
This is just wrong. We think about feelings after we’ve felt them, whether they’re the kind that lift us up or drag us down – then we obsess a little.
10. Writers enjoy their solitude.
True. So if you like to yell at video games, please do so somewhere else. I’m trying to think here.
11. Writers are creative.
Yeah, whether it be finding something to tie you down with or a way to make dinner for four from two eggs and some frozen broccoli because we forgot to shop for groceries…
12. Writers wear their hearts on their sleeves.
This can be a problem too since most of us are lunatics.
13. Writers will teach you cool new words.
Like “Fuck off”, “Bugger off”, “Shag off”… “et merde”.
14. Writers may be able to adjust their schedules for you.
I’ll adjust my schedule for anyone who brings me Chinese food or wants to test a love scene I’m trying to write.
15. Writers can find 1000 ways to tell you why they like you.
And another 1000 ways to tell you what a waste of oxygen you are when we’re on a deadline.
16. Writers communicate in a bunch of different ways.
We prefer email and text because 1) it is written and 2) we can shut it off when we need to focus.
17. Writers can work from anywhere.
Yes, but I feel my concentration might be best in Bora Bora so would you please take me there?
18. Writers are surrounded by interesting people.
We are good like that, but see #2.
19. Writers are easy to buy gifts for.
I agree. Coffee beans, tequila, cool pens and post it notes are always welcome.
20. Writers are sexy.
Yes, I write all my books while wearing nothing but lacy undergarments and stiletto heels. Please see #17.